Love if you’re in love. Cry if you’re hurt. Smile if you’re happy. Don’t grow old. Just grow up, and learn from your mistake.
“
| — | (via itslifenotes) |
Shake It Out
Most people can’t wait to grow up. They think that being on your own and living by your own rules is so easy. Where you would be invincible and conquer the world. It would be perfect, your life would be perfect.
I was one of those people. I couldn’t wait to move away from home and be whoever I wanted to be. Nothing would stop me from getting what I wanted.
From one point of view I’m very lucky and have a life that is great. I have my own place, great friends, a job that I love and a best friend/boyfriend. I’m making my own money and going to school to do what I want. But on the other view, the one nobody really sees, I’m struggling. I can’t spend my money right, my friends and boyfriend constantly fight, he acts like he hates being here or that he is upset with me. Sure there are good days, but with little good days, a million bad ones follow. I’m figuring out that this “adult” life is almost not worth it. I’m not one to show weakness or to ask for help. I hate depending on others, but I feel like I’m sinking farther and farther in a downward spiral. Like rising above everything isn’t an option anymore. I don’t want to end up a failure but at this point that’s what I’ll be.
I know I always say “God will never give you more than you can handle”, but I think he has. Having faith and trusting that this will be just a bump in the road is just an excuse. Nobody is happy and wants to be here, so why should I? Why should I keep people together that don’t want to be around each other? I’m unhappy and maybe it’s my own fault, I mean I have no one else to blame.
I guess it hurts that the one person who I should be making happy, isn’t. I cry almost everyday knowing that at any moment he is going to have a breaking point and leave. Maybe he is better off being home, since that is the one place he can be happy, but I don’t want to be here alone. Selfish thinking? I just want some good things in my life. Everything was fine until reality set in.
I guess I should just suck it up, but I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’m not destined for true happiness.
